Archive for February, 2012
Swearing knows no cultural boundaries. Everyone swears or has at some point, it’s just a matter of degree. Swearing isn’t solely in the domain of a certain class, culture, nationality or race, rather, it knows no limitations and is the epitome of equality! Swearing as a language tool, teaches children the various dimensions between what is appropriate, taboo, or inappropriate. If someone for example says ‘motherfucker’ as opposed to ‘fucker‘, the latter will be seen as the more ‘milder’ of the two. Kids are quick learners in this regards. When an adult hears a kid swear, they will, in most instances, correct the child’s language. Factor in the ‘rebelliousness’ of swearing among teenagers for example, swearing goes a long way in establishing their credentials of being ‘cool’. Of course as one matures this hopefully wears off to a great extent. People still swear in their daily lives or intermittently. Anyone ever drop an expensive piece of porcelain, look to see if anyone is around and yell “Oh Shit, fuck”!?
Of course swear words can range from mild to extreme. Many of the swear words find their origins in sexual acts and bodily evacuation, such as ‘shit’ ‘piss’, ‘fuck’ etc. What is intriguing is the fact that these words may not or don’t refer to those particular functions but rather to behaviours or outcomes. For example, someone refers to another as being ‘fucked up’ due to the recipient’s behaviour or your ‘fucked’ if the outcome of a situation looks bleak. Someone tells another to “go piss up a tree”. Body parts are used also, many of them sexual organs as descriptors for people like ‘prick’ ‘nut sac’ ‘asshole’, “tits'(as useful as tits on a bull).
If you are going to cuss, develop a repertoire! Not just the requisite “fuck”, “shit”, or “piss”, although these can be used interchangeably or in conjunction with other words. For example, when referring to some one who is excellent at oral sex;”suck golf balls through garden hose“. The context being this for example;”Why are they with that person(if there is a perceived disparity in looks between the couple)? The reply; “maybe they(the perceived ugly one)can suck golf balls through garden hoses”. How about this one; “blow the brass off a door knob“, or this; lick the chrome off a fender”. For example, I love that archaic phrase ‘whore son!’ Be creative, the possibilities are endless when it comes to cussing. Why, you can cuss someone out with out even uttering a genuine cuss word as long as the intent is there!
Here are some cuss words that I particularly find hilarious!
‘motherfuck you bitch!’
‘You hairy nut sac’
‘shit ticket'(toilet paper)
‘butt fuck Idaho‘(out-of-the-way place, can substitute another area)
‘moose crotch __(insert an out-of-the-way place)
The list is inexhaustible!
In order for your cussing to have a greater emphasis and impact, you must pick when to do so, sort of like picking your battles!. Remember, swearing can be a great pain reliever when you slice off your finger whilst preparing a salad, smash your head off the side of a wall or furniture, burn your hand while cooking, have particularly severe menstrual cramps, have telemarketers call you at dinner time or when you’re in the shower and rush out to answer the phone, get cut off in traffic, almost get run over by a truck, have some asshole shout ‘nice tits’ as your walking down the street, try a food you have never heard of much less eaten, spit it out and shout “this taste like shit!(hopefully this is figurative not literally that you’ve eaten shit before), you run out of toilet paper after taking a particularly huge dump and no-one else is around to get you some, someone runs their shopping cart on the back of your ankle, being accosted by Jehovah Witnesses, being exposed to volume deaf rendering earth-shaking music(Turn that motherfucking shit off!), seeing a UFO and exclaiming “what the fuck was that”(never mind you may have been drunk), unwittingly step into a pothole, fall on your ass in public and exclaim “fuuck, shiiiit! You see, the opportunities for cussing are endless and in many cases justifiable!
The down side of cussing, well there are many. If in public, you may not know that the person you are cussing out, in response to cutting you off in traffic, may be a certifiable lunatic and may physically retaliate! You take your chances… The person who runs the shopping cart against your ankle may be an elderly person, the Jehovah Witness may bring down the wrath of god on you, the goof that hollered “nice tits” may take this as a license for asking for your number or worse yet, a date. So you see, there are risks involved, but like I said choose wisely!
To those that skin up their face and take on the holier than thou stance or express disdain for cussing, I say Fuck em!
Have a nice day. Oh and remember:
‘Said Mark Twain towards the end of his life, “If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there.”