Posts Tagged Humour

Dear Hernie Letter (Stank Whores are us)#….Who Gives a Shit, It’s a Letter!

After having ten kids I need this shit!!!

After having ten kids I need this shit!!!

Dear Hernie, help!!!!

I have been married for five years to an otherwise lovely man!  I have ten children from a previous marriage eight of whom still live with us although they are adults.  He has three adult children who are employed in good jobs and live on their own.  Hernie, here’s the problem, we are constantly fighting over the kids, his and mine!  He is constantly ragging on me to tell my kids to get jobs and move out!  Hernie, they are still ‘finding’ themselves!  He complains about the grocery bills, heating bills, and other living expenses.  He claims my kids ‘eat him out of house and home’!  His kids rarely come over and when they do, they do not stay long.  Their dad meets them outside the home mostly.  I get the impression they look down on me!  Help Hernie, this marriage is going nowhere fast!

Dear ‘I have ten children’, there is a sucker born every minute, evidently your husband is one of them!  Eight adult kids still at home?  Throw the fuckers out and tell them to get jobs, whatever comes first!  As for your husband?  Why on earth would he have married you?  Can you lick the chrome off a fender or something?  On second thought, you are not as dumb as you sound to have snagged such a husband.  Hell, most men would have run from a woman like you.  Why don’t you share your secret?  Are you from Mississippi by chance?  Perhaps you are a hillbilly from Tennessee?  Whatever the case, that man should cut his losses and hightail it out of this marriage before your eight ‘adult’ kids and yourself ruin him financially.  What say you?  In any case, fuck off and get a life!  Here’s a video that brings you to mind:

P.S.  You should have kept your legs crossed and your drawers up!

Hernie the anti-advice, advice columnist!

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Comical Song of the Week

I love the bleeting of you humans!

I love the bleeting of you humans!

It seems people love to post their favourite songs.  Well, I think I’ll post the songs/music I think are comical!  for starters Jim Reeves, ‘He’ll Have to Go‘.

Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone
Let’s pretend that we’re together all alone
I’ll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low
And you can tell your friend there with you he’ll have to go

Whisper to me tell me do you love me true
Or is he holding you the way I do
Though love is blind make up your mind I’ve got to know
Should I hang up or will you tell him he’ll have to go

You can’t say the words I want to hear
While you’re with another man
Do you want me answer yes or no
Darlin’ I will understand

Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone
Let’s pretend that we’re together all alone
I’ll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low
And you can tell your friend there with you he’ll have to go

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The White Racist’s Guide to Riling up Negroes!!!


Hi, Mikey the inbred fuck here again. Wassup? Ain’t that how you negroes be greeting one another? I love riling up negroes! Here’s a list of some of the ways to do so! If the negroes get out of hand, I can always rip their face off or bite off a limb! Here we go!!!!!

Well good day all you white racists out there! Want to know how to rile up the Negroes in five easy steps? Well listen up!

1.  Mimic the way the negro speaks so as to mock the negro.  This is a shoo in folks!  It always gets the negro riled.  This is for the dumber racist who is basically a functional illiterate.  So if you are as dense as a brick, this is a nice starter!

2.  If you are a little bit smarter than the dumb racists, bring up the fact that they were better off during slavery than they were in ‘Africa‘.  No need to be knowledgeable about the country of ‘Africa’.  This will cause their eyes to bulge and their blood pressure to rise, the sight of which is hilarious!

Freedman's_bureauYes sah, we was better off during slavery!  At least we had something to eat!  Massa was good to us!(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3.  Inform them of all the inventions that the whites have made and the fact that negroes have never invented anything.  This one is very popular because it always gets the negroes in a lather!  They will sputter and be at a loss for words or will try to give you a list of black inventors.  Being a dumb fuck you will not care, as it is the charge you get out of riling up the negro that counts.  Who cares that it is individuals who invent and not ‘groups’ per se.   It’s riling up the negroes or bust for the semi-intelligent white racist.

4.  Married or dating a negro?  For those of you who don’t hate negroes but fetishize them; go to your black partner’s group and inform them they are basically useless and your white skin will afford them ‘privileges’ for being in a relationship with a white person!  Never mind you are full of shit!  It is the hilarious reaction you are looking for!  If they are women, tell them how black men find them a handful and hard to get along with and please.  If a man, tell the black man that most black men are deadbeats, criminals or in prison.  They do not appreciate nor know how to treat black women.  Beware though!  This may backfire and you may end up with a rearranged face if the stereotypes of the negro being inherently violent proves true.

5.  Mock black culture under the guise of ‘admiring’ it!  Mimic modes of ‘dress’, music, and supposed ways of life such as thuggery and other modes of criminality;become a full fledged ‘wigga‘!  Keep in mind you may end up being the brunt of jokes though!

6.  For the ‘smarter’ raciss, be insidious.  Don’t let the negro see it coming!  This will prove to be even funnier when they realize you are mocking them!  Start off by talking of innocuous things, such as the change in the weather. When the Negro engages with you in this  mundanity, such as “how nice the weather is today”, tell him/her how much you loathe Obama. Do this suddenly without warning, this is always a shit stirrer par excellence!    So what if the negro you are talking about didn’t even vote nor even supports Obama. Inject it into the ‘conversation’ to throw the negro off kilter. Then carry on as to how you hate Obama care, how you detest him etc. etc.. Assure the negro that you are not raciss,you just can’t stand him(Obama). Whatever you do, don’t let the negro get a word in edge wise during this ‘debate’. If you do, he/she may blow your  conceptions of the negroes possessing low intelligence ,that  they all voted for Obama because of his skin colour, in fact, they may even surprise you with their ‘intelligence’ and erudition. Can’t have that now can we? Why do this? Well it’s fun tormenting people(history has shown you this), and it works excellently as a form of confirmation bias.  The negro will sputter, be taken aback and most likely will be at a loss for words. The best case scenario? He/she will beat the shit out of you! Now isn’t that the ultimate stereotype, the violent, stupid negro? It will serve as party conversation for years to come! At best, it will make you feel good about yourself as your unreasonable hatred conscious or unconscious is confirmed. You will have a ‘legitimate’ reason for hating the negro.

6. Bring up scientific studies that show most black to be intellectually inferior to whites. Do this in the context of why blacks lag behind.  It’s the genetics dummy! Start out subtly now, so you can build up the suspense. Always maintain a calm and kindly demeanor whilst doing this, as you, unlike the negro can control yourself.  Throw in scientific jargon(the negroes probably don’t even know what you are talking about anyway, but neither do you!).  Hopefully the Negroes will get too angry to counteract your pseudo scientific arguments effectively!   The fun is in the outcome of really pissing the negroes off! Don’t’ forget to give them the back handed compliments of being great at sports, singing, dancing, because everything is a trade off.  The negro was given brawn for brains is all.

7.  When a negro brings up past historical wrongs such as cultural genocide, mass lynchings and Jim Crow, fob them off by bringing up blacks’ inherent criminality fueled by testosterone and the ravenous sex drives.  Accuse the black woman of having an overdose of testosterone too!  If this doesn’t floor them, what will?

8.  Bring up the police killings of negroes and do your damnedest to flip the script and blame the negroes for their ill-fortune.  Better yet, bring up some murder committed by blacks against whites.  Divert, divert, divert!!!!!!!  You may have to call 911 when the negro’s head explodes!

Advice to the negroes?  Ignore these loons and keep stepping unless you are in the mood for entertainment or a bout of fisticuffs!  Good day to you!!!!  When will the white racist change their ways?  When pigs fly!!!!

Hi my name is Petula. Me and Mikey are getting married, wish us luck! Sooeee, oink oink.

Last but not least from ‘darling’ Mikey, his opinion and advice:

Hi again folks, Mikey here. I may be funny looking but I am smarter than you because I am white! So what if I am an inbred cretin, I mean creature! I was dropped on my head at birth hence my funny looking face! With my white fur with piss coloured accents, I am all that and then some. I am superior to you, bow down minions before my brilliance! Like my fiance Petula? Mikey the deluded asshole of a tiger! Oh, do you think I’m sexy?

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King Shit From Turd’s Island or the Travails of a Troll!

Folks, I use that term lightly,   I was perusing some blogs written by some young fellows:

These young men(no they are not my kids),  are seeking knowledge and answers in life.   In fact they have the patience of Job in regards to some of these clowns who reply to their posts!  . Their blogs are quite enjoyable especially when lunatic trolls post there.   There are hilarious fucks who visit their blogs with the most confounding bullshit and fucktardidness! What is even more gut busting, is that these fucktards actually believe the bullshit they are expounding. Personally I find these clowns to be hilarious. However, the bloggers for the most part don’t. In fact in many instances, they seem to be too polite and kindhearted until the jackass wears out their welcome and gets progressively more belligerent! What to do with these leviathans of lunacy? Why ridicule them!  Young men, here’s my advice to you, cherish it!

Hone your ad-hominess and cussing skills when dealing with them. Throw all the ‘straw man’ arguments at them you can! In short, meet bullshit with bullshit! These clowns for the most part are oxygen thieves, who go to blogs diametrically opposed to their way of thinking and bombard them with reams of garbage, and then, have the nerve to insult their ‘intelligence’ if they refuse to debate them. So be it turd, just fuck off and go get acquainted with the palm sisters!  I realize that everyone needs a hobby but these fools are ridiculous!

The ones who I find to be particularly funny, are the racists who debate their points of views under the guise of science. There is a sucker born every minute but I ain’t one of them! No, I recognize an asshole when I come across one be it in print, in person or whatever medium. Being perverse myself to a certain extent, I find these goofs to be quite entertaining in a bizarre way.  Besides, it comes in handy being a weirdo oneself!  Garbage being paraded as ‘science’ or’ intellectual discourse’, well MAD magazine can make those claims also.  MAD magazine is intentionally funny but these goofs ain’t.  I compare their diatribes to sitting on the toilet straining for a shit and needing something to read whilst doing so, to hell with the contents, reading the ingredients on a soup can will do!  Besides, a good laugh may make your bowels move finally, Ex-lax not withstanding!

Then there are the regular posters who get sidetracked by these behemoths of bullshit!  They get sucked into these rejects so-called debates.  These particular buttocks warts, are too cowardly to call someone a name, or do not want to seem to be dumb arseholes who resort to obscenities and name-calling.(I for one would and don’t have any problems doing this, must be genetic). Well fellows, these jackasses deserve your scorn and more.  In other words, don’t waste your breath on these oxygen thieves!  The only purpose they serve is that of comical and bowel relief, you’ll shit yourself laughing!  Oh yeah, invest in toilet paper!  Oh, and remember;

Bwahahahah!!!!! BillyBob the laughing horse!

If you need assistance cursing people out:

Good Day to you!!

I'd say!

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