Ever been accosted by some clown saying filthy things to you by way of a come on?  This has happened to me!  I am going to list these lines and my responses!

1. Sit on my face baby!

Response:  Is your nose bigger than your prick?

2.  How big are your tits?

Response:  The same as your mother’s, give or take a few inches.

3.  Can I have your number?

Response:  911, if I don’t show up, someone else will!

4.  I’m going to meet you after work

Response:  Good!  I’ve got a baseball bat with your name engraved on it!  Still interested?

5.  You really want it!

Response:  Yes, well people in hell want ice water!

6.  Blow me bitch!

Response:  I’d need a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers first!

7.  The man grabs his genital area lustfully and invites you to have some.

Response:  Oh my god!  You’re hung like a field mouse!  Alternatively: “Is that a tooth pick?

8.   How about some of my Kielbasa(Polish salami)?

Response:  Sorry, already ate!  Besides which, I don’t like Polish salami!

9.  I wouldn’t want you anyways, you fucking ugly bitch!

Response:  Oh good, we have established that you will approach ‘fucking ugly’ bitches out of desperation.  What does that say about you?  That you are a fucking moron and a sore loser.

10.  I can get any woman into bed with my lines.  It’s 100% successful!

Response:  You see that hot 6’4 hunk o’ man over there?  The goof looks over to where you are pointing.  Um Yeah, so what?  Me:  Can you give me some of your lines to use on him?

11.  Have we met before?

Response:  Yes, in my nightmares!

12.  Your ass and my face!

Response:  My fist and your face!

13.  Do you have some Italian(or insert some other ethnicity) in You?

Response:  Ah, nooo…

Clown:  Do you want some in you?

Response:  No.  Save your lame come on for some bimbo who will actually be flattered and receptive to your ‘charms’, cause I sure as hell ain’t.  Now fuck off and make it snappy!

The all time classic!

I was walking by a bank with a ledge on it to cross the street.  A bum was sprawled on the ledge with his hand out, resting his head on his other hand.  He was begging for change in a nonchalant way.  I made the mistake of catching his eye!  He asked me for any spare change I had.  I said no.  His reply?  “I guess a blow job is out of the question the”?   What could I do but laugh!

Come on lines can be hilarious as you see!  Some words of advice, make sure there are others around when you say your comeback line(s)!  Carry heavy books in your purse as they come in handy for self-defense!  If all else fails, run!!!!

August 23, 2010