Herneith

A fucking moose tonguing a car! Better the car than me. Perhaps he thought the car was an ex?
That’s what I call a clean car if you like moose spittle!  I hate moose meat!

He was hung like a horse!  That got your attention eh?  Bunch of pigs!  I only run a clean blog!  Anywho I wanted to write about my travails with driving. Tweren’t pretty!

I went for my first Driver’s test and failed!  Well, the test started out easily until the tester told me to parallel park!  There were mounds of snow along the sides of the road!  Anyways, I did as she instructed and ended up backing into a snow bank.  Well, it took me about five motherfucking minutes to get out of the fucking snow bank.  Did I write I run a ‘clean’ blog?  I lied.

Let me give you a little background on myself when it comes to getting nervous.  I get gaseous when nervous.  Compounded with the hilarious thoughts popping into my head, are the silent killer emissions emanating from my rectum.  Well once this happens, I start laughing!  Well, I couldn’t laugh as the tester was getting progressively agitated.  Imagine trying to hold your buttocks together and not laugh out loud while doing it!  Torture!   This fucked up the rest of the test.  Imagine trying to suppress your laughter and gas at the same time.  Anywho, it was downhill from there, I failed!

I had an invaluable experience, though; next time take Bromo Seltzer and ex-lax the night before the test!  I rebooked.  I need a fucking car!