Good day.

Dear Hernie, I need your help!  I went on vacation to Cuba and met this hot guy on the beach!

No speaka de English

Well Hernie, before you know it, we were knocking boots morning noon, and night!  We were inseparable both figuratively and physically.  I fell passionately in love with Jose here!  After a week of sin, Jose asked me to marry him.  Whilst looking into those smouldering brown eyes I could not say no.  I came home and made preparations for my upcoming nuptials.  I rented a bigger apartment, bought Jose a new winterized wardrobe, a new 100 inch television, toiletries and such.  I also sent his family a trunk full of sundries to ease their plight, they don’t have the basics such as toothpaste and toilet paper there.  I bought my gown and prepared to go back to Cuba to marry my love!  When I got there, I was greeted at the airport by Jose and his family!  Jose and I were married on the beach and honeymooned for the rest of the week on the beach!  I left and came home sans Jose to prepare for his arrival once I go his immigration papers in order!  Well Hernie, when Jose finally arrived, it was not as I thought it would be.  Hernie, after a couple of months, Jose up and left taking his clothes, the 100 inch television and toiletries with him!  He left a note stating ‘So long sucker‘(his English had improved dramatically in the few months I knew him).  Hernie, I thought he loved me, where did we go wrong.  I never saw this coming!

Hernie says;  Dear dummie, how did you not see this coming.  You must have sucker written across your forehead or something.  First off, call immigration and turn him in.  See that you get the 100 inch television back.  Secondly, do you know where he is?  If you do, give me his phone number, I’d like to give him some one on one counselling before he is deported back to Cuba.  Men like Jose here are only good for the old pump and dump, you don’t take up with these assholes!  Get a brain and a life!

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