Dear Hernie, help!!!!
I have been married for five years to an otherwise lovely man! I have ten children from a previous marriage eight of whom still live with us although they are adults. He has three adult children who are employed in good jobs and live on their own. Hernie, here’s the problem, we are constantly fighting over the kids, his and mine! He is constantly ragging on me to tell my kids to get jobs and move out! Hernie, they are still ‘finding’ themselves! He complains about the grocery bills, heating bills, and other living expenses. He claims my kids ‘eat him out of house and home’! His kids rarely come over and when they do, they do not stay long. Their dad meets them outside the home mostly. I get the impression they look down on me! Help Hernie, this marriage is going nowhere fast!
Dear ‘I have ten children’, there is a sucker born every minute, evidently your husband is one of them! Eight adult kids still at home? Throw the fuckers out and tell them to get jobs, whatever comes first! As for your husband? Why on earth would he have married you? Can you lick the chrome off a fender or something? On second thought, you are not as dumb as you sound to have snagged such a husband. Hell, most men would have run from a woman like you. Why don’t you share your secret? Are you from Mississippi by chance? Perhaps you are a hillbilly from Tennessee? Whatever the case, that man should cut his losses and hightail it out of this marriage before your eight ‘adult’ kids and yourself ruin him financially. What say you? In any case, fuck off and get a life! Here’s a video that brings you to mind:
P.S. You should have kept your legs crossed and your drawers up!
Hernie the anti-advice, advice columnist!