Archive for category Bullshit!
Lunatics Who Post Bullshit!
Posted by Herneith in Bullshit!, Goofisms, Humour, Tomfuckery, Uncategorized on February 1, 2011
I do not peruse many blogs. The ones I do, I do because the author of that particular blog basically thinks the same way I do, or I agree with almost everything they post (so shoot me!) . One blog I frequent almost religiously, has some cockamamie posters, and that is an understatement! Many a time, I have almost ruined my keyboard whilst sipping a beverage and spitting it out when reading some of these responses! Let the hilarity commence say I! This blog seems to attract its’ fair share of gearboxes, tools, and goofs. Why do I think these responses are hilarious? Let me count the ways.
Number 1; Being wilfully obtuse when responding to other responders. Totally missing the mark altogether! Then, having the audacity to tell the author of the post that they are basically full of shit, but not in so many words! Listen jackass, you are, for the most part responding to an anonymous writer in many instances. Do you really think that the writer gives a flying fuck as to what you think? Especially when you are insulting their intelligence with your cluelessness? Stupid is as stupid does! You are the embodiment of that phrase.
For some reason, these clowns actually think they are contributing to the posts with their idiotic remarks. It’s the old; “I say tomato, you say tomaato”, conundrum! Herein lies the comical aspects of their responses. Ever see a shittily made film? Shitty, because the creator was serious about the film when it was made, and this is what made the film unintentionally funny! 1950s science fiction films come to mind. Well that is how these posters are! They are serious and totally unaware of the jocular aspects of their responses! What is even funnier is the sane people who get dragged into responding to their post. I, myself have been a ‘victim’ of this. I soon learned to pit nonsense against nonsense as that is what these turds are expounding! Remember, you can’t make silk from a sow’s ear, these posters are excellent examples of this.
Number 2; Racist ass wipes! Who’d a thunk heh? Well I never. These particular goofs employ pseudo-science to prove that they are superior to all others! What their arguments really come down to is pecker size! “I may have a smaller pecker, but you have a smaller brain” to be exact. To prove they aren’t racist, they will use Asians. Here’s the ‘pecker’ and ‘intelligence’ linkage and not being ‘racist’ because, well because; Asians, the highest IQs, northern Asians such as Japanese, Koreans, and Chinese in particular. Their darker skinned ‘brethren’ are less intelligent, but have bigger peckers! Next, are the whites, they have bigger peckers and are smart, but not as smart as the Northern Asians! I guess their darker brethren such as Italians and Spaniards ain’t that ‘intelligent either! But no worries, they have bigger peckers! Lastly and you have probably guessed it, are blacks! They are dumb with big peckers.
Now the whites are just right as they are smart and their peckers are the right size. Hence they are the happy median between the two. The whites who expound these ‘theories, can’t be racists as Asians are smarter than them on average. Too bad about the smaller peckers though! If you talk to most men and ask them what they would prefer, being smarter, or a bigger pecker, 95% of men will want a bigger pecker. Now how these weirdos managed to measure every pecker in the world to make these correlations is beyond me. How they managed to measure the intelligence of every living human on the planet is another quandary. Who would sit long enough for some fool and answer nonsensical questions unless they were getting paid? Another fool perhaps?
Anyhow, there is endless jokes and comical fodder contained within these responses! Enough for further posts in the future! I do not wish to be guilty of that which I chastise other gearboxes for, so I’ll quit while I can for now! This is but a small sampling! Good day to you all!
I’m From Your..Err I Mean Uranus!
Posted by Herneith in Aliens?, Ancient Civilizations, Bullshit!, Goofery, Goofisms, Humour, Tomfuckery, Tomfuckery, Whatever on December 12, 2010
Let the hilarity commence! I remember reading that classic tome in goofery, ‘Chariots of the Gods’. The book, and those others of that type, claim, that the harbingers of civilization were aliens. Then there are the ones who claim that we, as a species were created by aliens(an experiment gone wrong as it turns out). These postulations or pustules, if you like, were made for many things, but in-depth analysis ain’t one of them. One thing they were made for however was the infinite fodder for hilarity inherent in these suppositions. I am going to do one of those ‘what if ‘ scenarios, that is if I can stop laughing long enough! Let the goofery commence, sirrah!
10,000 years ago in the wilds of Africa(These space ships always land in Africa or some other remote place where mankind doesn’t initially see them). The aliens are either here to research ‘man’, or are shipwrecked and must make do with what is available at the time ala Robinson Crusoe. In interacting with the lowly beast-like humanoids, they give them ‘knowledge’ that accelerate man’s evolution and development. Hence such ancient civilizations as the Egyptians, Mesopotamian, Inca, Aztec, Chinese, hell, anywhere where the inhabitants weren’t white, were created by aliens! Of course the white advanced civilizations started out of thin air. No aliens for them unless they were genetically engineered by the aliens! That explains their ‘superiority’ to others!
Not even a trashy dime novelist or serial writer could come up with some of this crap! Here’s my take on what an alien would do if the crash/landed on earth, it taint pretty but provides an insight into these ‘aliens’.
“On a wind blown night somewhere in bumf*ck nowhere, on a remote plain or forest, or savanna, take your pick, a UFO crashes/lands. Out pops tall gorgeous man whores, I mean aliens! Here’s two aliens fighting over some heifer whilst Tars Tarkas referees:
Hey! You missed my pecker by a few inches! Dotar: How so Tars? You are hung like a hamster!!!
I love to have my ears stroked . Stroke me baby, stroke me! Apparently that is his species erogenous zone!
You see they are not that much different than humans! Guess what? Most of these aliens would be white or a reasonable facsimile thereof. However these aliens got here, they do the following; Take a look around, seek ‘intelligent’ life, which they do-not find. Smelly, filthy, half nekkid hairy assholes do-not count! It is at this point that Godzilla enters the picture devours some of the aliens, burps farts, and goes to sleep. Alternately, the alien gets back on their spaceship and hightails it out of there. If the alien crash lands, he proceeds to commit suicide by taking a flying leap off a cliff. My scenario would be over in about five to ten minutes of the alien landing. ‘They came, they saw, they fucked off!’
Suffering Succotash!
Another alternative view? Perhaps this is indeed a vacation spot ala the Predator movies. This is according to those who posit that aliens taught the ancient societies their advanced culture/knowledge. In this scenario, they would have treated the humans like pets. You see, they probably missed Fluorite, from their home planet:
@#$%^@! Huh?
Or perhaps *()&^%$#(no equivalent in the human tongue): At least )(*&^%, doesn’t try to hump your leg or sniff your crotch! The only thing they taught these humans was to jump, sit, stay, roll over and such. Such was their regard for the lowly humans. They viewed the humans at best as reminders of their beloved pets back on Uranus or nuisances to be avoided at all costs! In any case, they did not stick around for longer than they had to!
For those of you who believe that the aliens fostered these ancient cultures, perhaps you also believe in Santa Claus. So be it, now go play with Uranus!
Are White Men Ugly or is it White Women Who Make Them So?
Are White Men Ugly or is it White Women Who Make Them So?
I’ll take a quarter pounder with cheese! Make that a half dozen quarter pounders. A working man has to eat!
Well, I will say this though, at least he is employed! How much longer he’ll be breathing is another question. I hope his wife has insurance!
The white woman in all her glory only wants the best. The best bread winner, a man that is 6’8, looks like a body builder, can throw down in the bedroom, dresses impeccably, has a sensitive nature, most of all knows his place! After all, as the arbiters of beauty in the western world, she will need a comparable mate. But hold on. Looks ain’t everything you say? No they ain’t! A white woman can look like this:
Where’s my old man? He went out for a loaf of bread and never came back!
But she will still expect to get something like this:
Do you like my man titays?
What she in all reality will end up with, is someone like this:
I’m Too Sexy For My Small Schlong Underwear!
If he is bringing home a big enough pay check, that will be more than compensatory! Nothing like a huge pay check! You see, a white woman is entitled to the best! Media proves this. The lowlier women on the totem pole are shit out of luck! A black woman in most instances has to settle for this:
Hey baby, like what you see? White women need not apply !
Yowza!!
Asian women have to settle for this:
Like what you see? There are plenty of more of this where I come from!
It makes one weep don’t it?
When a white woman looks like this:
I can get any coloured man I want! I am white! What do looks have to do with It?(triple bagger In Teenage Boy parlance)
She will still want the best. and why not? She is the epitome of beauty! Even if she ain’t all that and a bag of chips, so what! She is white, that is all she needs! Millions of racialized men can attest to this. If she can’t get her ideal white man, she can always go for the ‘lesser’ racialized man for who will have to be over and above the best white man. You see, her white skin is the trade off!
Should a white men possess the attributes hitherto alluded to previously, than watch out! Those broads will go toe to toe to get one. Unfortunately, most white men don’t look like male models or hunks! What’s a white woman to do? Go for the good old pocketbook! This more than makes up for disparity in looks! Sure the white woman finds the white man ugly but a healthy and huge pay check more than makes up for this!
Some advice to white men, invest in Tylenol, you’ll need it!
Ad Hominem!
I love ad homines! A blog: http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/ad-hominem-argument/ I often peruse, I came upon a post about them. The responses were interesting to say the least! The picture at the top is what got me going. It was a picture of two Canada Geese! Now, those fuckers shit like cows. Remember that old kid’s rhythm?
“Birdy birdy in the sky, dropped a white wash in my eye. Thank the Lord that cows don’t fly, birdy birdy, in the sky.”
Can you imagine a Canada goose dropping a turd in your eye? You would be blinded for sure! Now back on topic! Ad hominem, it takes a skillful person to conduct one without being found out until the other person is fully immersed in the debate at hand. Here are some arguments and how to respond to them by way of ad hominem:
For example, hemorrhoids are the causer of great pain in the posterior. When one suffers from flatulence, one is in veritable agony. Ad hominem: You are full of shit. Instead of debating the merits of that person’s argument, the respondent goes in for the kill by claiming that person is lying(full of shit). This is also a good way of diverting the arguments from hemorrhoids to constipation. The debate was in regards to hemorrhoids, not about someone’s bowel functions or lack thereof There is however some truth in the attackers retort as it can be very painful when taking a dump if you have hemorrhoids. So in essence there may be some truth in what the other person says but it still diverts from the topic at hand which is hemorrhoids This ploy is used to dismiss the other’s debate rather than the counter-arguing effectively. The person should have asked for proof of the argument and then proceeded to roll out the abusive counter-arguments after the debater has made his/her points.
After hurling the first ad hominem, the debate becomes a free for all. This is where the insults and name calling comes in. Judging from one’s repertoire of curse words, name calling, hell, even fisticuffs, your ad hominem will either rise of fall. Make sure you have an extensive repertoire, or you are sure to lose! Remember, win at any cost, as this will help your already low self-worth when arguing or debating with someone! Hell, you don’t even have to know what you are talking about! All the more effective if you are able to shout the person down! It helps having a menacing tome or appearance! This may prevent many people from debating or arguing with you to start.
If you are highly credentialed or generally smart, all the better! You can baffle the poor dupe you are debating, with bullshit! How is some poor, uneducated asshole going to know and understand what the hell you jabbering about in the first place? How does that person know you are full of shit! Why? “Because you are dumb, stupid! “ “You don’t possess the credentials or education that I do!” If you are debating someone equally credentialed or educated, go in for the kill at the outset, else you will be in for a bumpy ride. You may actually end up on the losing end of an argument or debate! Start attacking his political affiliations, appearance, lifestyle, anything that will give you an edge. But be quick about it as you do not want to be the one who ends up looking like an asshole! Repeat this mantra; Win at any cost!
You can even employ reverse ad hominem. It doesn’t prove anything but it helps in buttressing the asshole you are defending ad hominem attacks! “But he is such a nice guy: “She’s not really racist, she just comes across as such!” The whole litany of the debater’s fine points(as if they really have any). If nothing else, it will show just how much of an idiot and sycophant you are. Will it help the debate at hand? Who cares? It may or may not help the clown using ad hominem! If nothing else it makes for a good comical interlude! Carry on!
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