Dear Hernie Letter #4 or is it 5?….Whatever!!!!!

Dear Hernie, HELP!!!!!  I am getting married in a few days but I have a major problem with my future father in law!  I am getting married in a day and a half Hernie!  My prospective father in law is a drunkard and a filthy bum, otherwise I love him dearly.  He is a drunkard who belches, farts, shits and pisses himself indiscriminately.  He cusses and swears like there is no tomorrow!  I don’t want him at my wedding as you can smell him coming a mile off before you see him, he is a walking fart!  Soap, deodorant and water are anathema to him.  Under normal circumstances, I couldn’t care less but It is my wedding Hernie!  My fiancé insists that his father attend, otherwise he is calling it off!  Hernie what should I do.  I don’t want to be embarrassed at my wedding, nor do I want my guest having to but up with his foul stench or boorish behaviour!  At my engagement party, he went around grabbing all the women’s tits!  Otherwise he is a fabulous man!

Go fuck yourselves arseholes!

Go fuck yourselves arseholes!

Did I forget to mention that my future father in law is filthy rich?  I am talking billions and my fiance is his only child.  Despite  concerns, I dearly love my future father in law.  Signed apprehensive in Omaha.

Dear Apprehensive, go get your head read….please!  Here’s the todo ; 1.  The drunk asshole is rich.  2.  Your prospective husband knows this, so will put up with foul odours and drunkenness for a few hours here and there in order to preserve his inheritance, capiche dummy?  3.  The wedding is just one day out of your life.  Put up with the foul-smelling drunkard and reap the future benefits. He is going to die some day.  If you and your fiancé are still married then you can have a proper ‘wedding’ with all the bells and whistles. 4.  The drunk asshole is rich.  5.  The drunk asshole is rich.  Is you future father in law married?  If he isn’t give me his number.  I could give him some counseling for his problems.  Use your brain and womanly wiles, but you are from Omaha that must explain your stupidity!  Good luck on your upcoming nuptials you’ll need it, sheesh!

Hernie, the anti-advice columnist.

  1. #1 by brothawolf on April 1, 2013 - 01:38

    I have absolutely nothing to add to this post. If the father-in-law is filthy rich (more rich than filthy is sounds like), then that would explain his spoiled behavior.

  2. #2 by sepultura13 on April 10, 2013 - 17:58

    LMFAO!!! Great post!

  3. #3 by Mz. Nikita on February 7, 2014 - 06:58

    ROTFllllllllL #’s 1, 4, &5 (That bride better recognize what time it reallY is)!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Geeking Out about It

Watching too much television since 1975

TheWarner

Your Source for Honest Commentary and Reviews

Tribalmystic stories

Tribalmystic is storytelling about people, places, and things that have extraordinary stories. Author: Joycelin Leahy

African Heritage

A blog about African history, and heritage, through audio and video files.

Tired Sista

Cause I'm tired of being sick and tired of injustice

nidotopianwarrior's Blog

Story Writing superheroes children of the comet

Kushite Kingdom

Dark Matter Consciousness!

soapmuffinblog

Organic Hand Crafted Soaps

Racism Is White Supremacy

A Site Dedicated to Counter-Racism Economics, Education, and Liberation

Random Ramblings; Myriad Musings

...my outlet for (almost) everything...

Herneith

Blow it out your hole!!!

Beast of No Nation

"I used to think it was mere homesickness, then I started getting it at home"

diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Abagond

500 words a day on whatever I want

Turangawaewae

... collectively crafted over coffee in an effort to spread discomfort ...

BROTHA WOLF

Howling For Justice!

%d bloggers like this: